Parenting 201

Welcome students to Parenting 201! If you do not know the basics of parenting, such as how to change a diaper, clean up messes and repeating yourself at least 50 million times, then please transfer to Parenting 101 with Professor Adam.

Please listen carefully, because in this next sentence, I will perfectly describe parenting. Parenting is HARD!!!!!!! If you do not believe me, just go and ask your parents. (If your parents said that parenting was easy, then I NEED to meet them and learn everything that I can from them! 😊 ) There are many aspects to parenting. You have to deal with the mountains of dirty diapers, runny noses, missing shoes, messy rooms and food where you least expect it. Parents deal with not only their trials and burdens, but also those of their children. Parents have to be coaches, hair stylists, captain of bath time, disciplinarian, managers, teachers, organizers, chefs, chauffeurs, and the world’s best huggers, just to name a few. I do not know about y’all, but just reading that short list makes me appreciate my parents more and it makes me tired. 😉

It is so hard to be a parent because there are probably at least a billion books about parenting! So, it can be extremely overwhelming to know which source to trust! There are different parenting styles and different ways to encourage children. And once you figure out how be a good parent to your child, then your next child has a completely different temperament and personality. There is not a to-do list that guarantees a perfect parenting life or perfect children. However, there are principles that can apply to everyone.

We all have basic needs. Physically, we all need food, water, shelter, air and clothes. But what are our emotional needs? Dr. Michael Popkin (click on his name to learn more about him) came up with a parenting program called “Active Parenting” (AKA Authoritative Parenting) and has written many books about parenting. He says that everyone has five needs (especially children). They are contact and belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and  challenge.

Now let us dive deeper into each of these “Belonging and contact” is physical contact and feeling like they are a part of the family. “Power” is the ability to have at least some control in their lives. We obviously do not want to trust a two-year-old  to determine whether we move to Alaska or Florida. The toddler does not have enough cognitive ability to do so. We want to let children be able to make decisions that are developmentally (age) appropriate. So, you might let your toddler pick out their outfit. You could let older children make recommendations for what meals that your family will eat or if they would rather do the dishes or clean the toilet for their chore. The main point of power is to let your child have control and a say in their life. This doesn’t mean that they get to control 100% of their life. (Even  adults do not have 100% control on their circumstances! I am pretty sure that none of us had a say whether COVID-19 would start)  As the child gets older, they can have more control in their lives. The next one is “Protection”. We all want to feel safe. When we feel safe, we feel comfortable exploring the environment around us and we know what is appropriate behavior from others.

“Withdrawal” means to do just that: to take a little break and then get back to work. And finally “Challenge”. Having something be a little harder than our capabilities helps us grow. We would be bored stiff if we just had to sit on our couch all day and just breathe. Most of us like a challenge, but we may each like different kinds of challenges. For example, I like to solve riddles, while my nephew loves to figure out how things work.

Dr. Michael Popkin's 5 Needs

When Needs are Unmet	Need	When Needs are Met
Find Belonging Elsewhere	Contact and Belonging	Contribute
Rebellion	Power	Response-ability
Revenge	Protection	Assertiveness and Forgiveness
Undue Avoidance	Withdrawal	Know Their Limits
Risk Taking	Challenge	Builds Skills

 

A little side note:

For a while, I was a child development major. So, I got to study a lot of child development theorists. One of my favorites is Lev Vygotsky. Vygotsky believed that each child had a Zone of Proximal Development, or the ZPD. This is where a challenge is doable with some effort without being overwhelming. He believed that children learn best when they have a mentor. The mentor’s job is to scaffold. Then as the child gets better at the task, the mentor does not help as much. An example of this is helping your child put on a shirt. When they are a baby, you have to help your child because, she can’t do that. As your child gets older, she may be able to put her head in her shirt by herself, but then needs help with her arms. Later, she may only need help with one arm. Then eventually, she will be able to put on her shirt all by herself.

 

I’m sorry if this post was a bit long. Parenting is SUPER important, and I LOVE child development! I could go on and on about these topics. Well, what do you think? Do you have any other connections from child development to parenting? Do you agree with Dr. Popkin? Do you have any parenting stories that you would like to share? Do you have any questions for me? (I'm not expert, but I'll do my best.😃 )

Keep Dancing!!

💙

Emily