Yeah, you read that title correctly… We will be discussing
about engagement to marriage. Yet again I admit that I do not have
any personal experiences. However, in my classes I am learning trends
and general principles that apply to most people/couples/families. So, accept or disregard
this at your own risk. :0)
In my class discussion earlier this week. We talked about transitioning
from courting to engagement. My teacher mentioned that when a man proposed, it
was a very private experience. It was usually just the couple at their own
engagement. Now when a couple gets engaged, there is a professional
photographer, and tons of family and friends. That can put a lot of pressure on
whoever is proposing. He or she may feel like they have to put on a show. I am
not saying that either one is better than the other, it just depends on what
you like.
Another topic that we discussed along with engagement was
cohabitation. Today many couples cohabitate before they get married because they
want to see if they are compatible before they get married. Of course, people
want to know if their marriage will last. Marriage is a HUGE commitment. You do
NOT want to make a mistake that will cause you tremendous pain. The
couples who live together before marriage may be unaware of the research on
cohabitation though. My textbook called, Marriage and Family: A Quest for
Intimacy, mentions some of the consequences and effects of cohabitation. It
basically says that couples that cohabitate are more likely to get divorced and
experience infidelity than couples that do not cohabitate. It also mentions that cohabitating couples are more
likely to live parallel lives. This is where each person in the couple lives basically
their same lives as they had before cohabiting. My professor drew a picture to
help illustrate this. This is my attempt to duplicate his picture. 😊
There is not a lot of involving your partner. Couples that cohabitate typically shares somethings, but not everything. They may share food and living space, but they may not share their finances (bank accounts, bills). Can you see how cohabiting couples would have to work harder to merge their lives together? There is not a clear distinction and transition between cohabitating and getting married. (So, I am asking anyone that I know that is cohabitating to please be careful and aware of the research and effects of living this way. Study this topic from reliable sources, so you can be safe. I do not want you to get hurt in any way, shape or form.)
On the other hand, there is a very clear transition of not living together to living together when couples do not cohabitate. They typically share more of their lives together. It is not that they share 100% of their activities, interests, music taste, and do all of these things together 24/7. You would have to be the exact same person in order to agree with yourself 100% of the time. You did not marry yourself! (Actually, now that I think about it, we sometimes even disagree without ourselves! Also, if somehow you and your spouse agree on everything and do everything together, I need to meet y’all because y’all are super humans!) Each spouse still has some different interests, hobbies, etc. that maintains individuality within the marriage.
My classmate Emma did a wonderful job of sharing the
research without it coming across as condemning those that believe and live
this way. She even did extra research about the topic and included the sources
in post. Check out her blog about
cohabitation if you want to learn more and see what she said.
Next is the wedding day! Let those beautiful bells ring! 😊
In my class, we learned that the average wedding cost in the U.S.A. is over $27,000!!!!! 😲 (My heart basically stopped when I heard that.) The only thing that I am going
to say about this wonderful day is that this: As wonderful and important as
planning your wedding day is, it is much more important to plan your marriage
(life after you get married).
Any who, that pretty much wraps up this week. Do you have
any questions? What do you think about cohabitating? (Please be kind and
respectful in your comments.) Do you have any cool stories about your wedding day? Did
you spend more or less than the average for the U.S.A.?
Love y’all!
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