Talking About Talking About the Birds and the Bees

I do not know if y’all chanted this is elementary school, but this was popular at mine.

“Betsy* and Johnny* sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 First comes the love, then comes the marriage,

 Then comes the baby with the baby carriage.”

(*insert whoever’s names)

I know what you are thinking, this song is truly inspiring; it just brings you to tears… No? Okay. Maybe it is not that moving. 😊

So, how do you talk to your children about sexual intimacy? That is a good question. Next question! Just kidding. 😊 Well, you first have to know what sexual intimacy is. If you do not know how a child is created, then you need to drop what you are doing (not literally) and go ask your mom or dad. Next you have to decide how you view it and what it means to you. Is it “yucky?” Is sex something that you do with anyone anywhere just for fun? I personally have been raised in a home and in a religion that views sexual intimacy as sacred and beautiful. I believe that sexual intimacy should only be reserved for marriage. It brings a husband and wife closer to each other and to God. My beliefs influence how I will talk about it to my future children.

How we treat and discuss this topic will be reflected in how our children view it. I know that it can be extremely awkward, but we have to change that. We do not want our children to learn about intimacy from the internet or their peers. In my class we discussed two ways that we can make it less awkward to talk about this.  First is to start when your children are young (under 3) and use the correct names for body parts. If your three-year-old asks you where babies come from, you probably should not dump all of the details on them. That is WAY too much!! You need to tone it down and answer at their level. When your children are younger, your answers will be short and simple. Teenagers are able to think logically and abstractly. So, as they get older, you can add more details. Your conversation can go more in depth. My Church made a little book called, A Parent’s Guide. (I highly recommend that you check it out! It is cool and really good!) This book helps parents know what is age appropriate to talk to their children about intimacy. It covers from infants and toddlers all of the way up to dating and marriage.

These are three talks that I like that discuss marital intimacy. The speakers are directing their remarks to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. However, anyone can find truth and principles that they agree with and apply to their lives.

The first talk is from Wendy Watson Nelson. She was a Marriage and Family Therapist and a professor for at least 25 years. 13 of those years were at Brigham Young University. This is what she says about marital intimacy.

If the video does not work, here’s the link.

One of my favorite talks about sexual intimacy is Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments by Jeffery R. Holland. To me, it is extremely powerful how he shares the sacredness of marital intimacy.

Here’s the link: 

Or if you do not have 45 minutes to watch that, he has a similar 18-minute talk called, Personal Purity. If you cannot tell, I really like Elder Holland’s talks. He just has a way with words. He is able to weave words together to give them life and power.

You can read or listen to it here.

What do you think? Did you like how your parents taught you about marital intimacy? What has worked in your family? What has not worked? Do you agree with Wendy Watson Nelson and/or Jeffery R. Holland?

Keep on dancin’!

💙

Emily